Friday, June 27, 2008

Cute Overload Death-O-Meter Reaches 140

The estimated number of dogs and cats indirectly killed by Cute Overload is now in the hundreds, according to scientists at Wichita, Kansas-based Labradoodle Laboratories.

"We conducted an analysis," said chief scientist Dr. Spot Barker, "taking into account the number of visits Cute Overload receives daily and the percentage of those visitors who are pet owners."

When results came in on Monday of this week, Dr. Barker demanded that the analysis be redone. "I looked at the numbers" he recalled, "and I thought, Good god, this just can't be."

But it was. The analysis was performed again and again, and the results kept coming back the same -- that at least 140 cats and dogs have either been killed or badly injured as a direct result of a Hartz product that was purchased as a direct result of seeing a Hartz ad on Cute Overload.

Next on the to-do list at Labradoodle Laboratories? "We're attempting to harvest a conscience using truth, kindness, decency, and a few test tubes," said Dr. Barker. "When the conscience is complete, we're going to overnight it to Meg Frost."