Cute Overload Expected to Promote Tainted Tomatoes

Someone was recently spotted digging around in a dumpster at a Bay area facility where tomatoes infected with salmonella are being disposed of. Authorities have not identified the woman, but many locals are saying that it must have been Meg Frost. The dumpster-lurker had several enormous laundry bags in her possession, and authorities believe she was planning to make off with thousands of the tainted tomatoes.

"With her record of promoting Hartz flea and tick products, which are known to kill people's pets," said the police chief, "we have reason to believe that she wouldn't hesitate to knowingly sell salmonella-infected tomatoes to unsuspecting persons."

The chief expects advertisements promoting the tomatoes to appear on Cute Overload "any day now." Officials have issued an advisory to individuals who frequent the web site, imploring them to use extreme caution when exposed to any advertisements sanctioned by Meg Frost. An artist's rendering of a potential Cute Overload tomato ad (pictured here) has been released to aid in the public-awareness campaign.

"The Meg Frost seal of approval," said the police chief, "is actually the kiss of death."

Cute Overload Death-O-Meter Reaches 140

The estimated number of dogs and cats indirectly killed by Cute Overload is now in the hundreds, according to scientists at Wichita, Kansas-based Labradoodle Laboratories.

"We conducted an analysis," said chief scientist Dr. Spot Barker, "taking into account the number of visits Cute Overload receives daily and the percentage of those visitors who are pet owners."

When results came in on Monday of this week, Dr. Barker demanded that the analysis be redone. "I looked at the numbers" he recalled, "and I thought, Good god, this just can't be."

But it was. The analysis was performed again and again, and the results kept coming back the same -- that at least 140 cats and dogs have either been killed or badly injured as a direct result of a Hartz product that was purchased as a direct result of seeing a Hartz ad on Cute Overload.

Next on the to-do list at Labradoodle Laboratories? "We're attempting to harvest a conscience using truth, kindness, decency, and a few test tubes," said Dr. Barker. "When the conscience is complete, we're going to overnight it to Meg Frost."

Meg Frost Learned Nothing from 'The Brady Bunch'

I'm just a fluffy little German baby goat, so I don't know much. I don't even know my own name. But I do know that Meg Frost didn't learn a single thing from watching The Brady Bunch.

Do you remember that episode in season three? The one in which the Brady family is chosen to star in a laundry soap commercial? And then they realize their hypocrisy? Because they don't actually use the product? The moral of the episode being, you know, not to lie? And especially not to lie in exchange for money? That one?

Now I'm just a fluffy little German baby goat, but don't underestimate my ability to issue a challenge. Meg Frost, I dare you to stand behind this "product" you are pushing in exchange for money. I invite you to purchase a package of Hartz Flea and Tick Drops at your local Buy N Large and then apply the drops to your own skin, right there on your back, just between your shoulder blades. Thatta girl! Now repeat.

If after using the product as directed, your fleas and ticks are gone, your skin is still intact, and (this is important) you are still breathing, then you can feel good about promoting this product on your blog. Otherwise? You may need to go against Hartz's instructions and have someone rush you to the vet.