Monday, July 21, 2008

Cute Overload Expected to Protest Temporary Ban on Dog Meat

Dog meat has been removed from the menus of officially designated Olympic restaurants in Beijing for the duration of the 2008 Olympic Games, and this news has dog lovers cheering.

"I don't want to accidentally eat a dog," said Bernice de Montagne, a Judo and table tennis afficionado who will be attending the Games with her family. "And I know my three young children don't, either."

"We're grateful to not be in a position where we'd inadvertently be eating man's best friend," added Bernice's husband, Steadman. "Dogs should go on walks, not in woks."

Unfortunately, the dark cloud that threatens cute animals everywhere is expected to protest the temporary ban. Cute Overload, which famously revealed its true colors by knowingly promoting a flea and tick product that is poisonous and even lethal to cats and dogs, is expected to protest the temporary ban on dog meat.

"Accidentally harming animals, whether by poisoning them or eating them or whatever, is fun," a spokes-meanie from Cute Overload is expected to tell a crowd of horrified onlookers. "In fact, it should be an Olympic sport! That is why we promote Hartz flea and tick products to unsuspecting pet owners, who then buy the product and accidentally poison or kill their pets!"

"Good times," the spokes-meanie is expected to add.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Animals Deeply Resent Being Pictured on Cute Overload

According to a recent poll, 100% of the world's animals are disgusted with Cute Overload. And those whose pictures appear on the site are especially incensed.

"No one asked me if I wanted to be part of this attack on people's pets," said a hedgehog named Jimmy, whose incredible cuteness is seen on Cute Overload.

"Our pictures are the core attraction on a blog that is promoting -- and profiting from -- the poisoning of cats and dogs," said a baby orangutan who was outraged when he discovered a snapshot of himself on the blog. "It makes my stomach turn."

"No animal supports Cute Overload," said Igor, a baby seal who is furious that a video of him being extremely adorable is available for viewing on Cute Overload. "She never asked my permission to use a video of me, and it sickens me to know that my cuteness is luring people into her Hartz death trap."

While all animals are appalled at the evildoings of Cute Overload, it's clear that dogs and cats whose images appear on the site are the hardest hit. Lena, a tabby whose own kittens were poisoned to death by Hartz flea and tick drops, has repeatedly requested that her image be removed from the site -- but she receives no response to her emails.

Georgie, a bulldog whose best friend, a Pekingese named Charlie, suffered major organ failure after having Hartz applied to his skin as directed and could not be saved, desperately wants his picture off of Cute Overload.

"She won't return my calls," he said. "So my cuteness continues to draw people to that stupid blog, and I can hardly sleep at night."

Georgie is terrified that he or his other friends -- Antigone, the French poodle down the street; Jester, the pug/chihuahua mix at the park; and the five newborn pups next door, to name a few -- will fall victim to the same fate.

"We can't speak for ourselves," said a spokespup for the animals. "We rely on the kindness of strangers not to mislead our owners into using products that will harm or kill us. Unfortunately, Cute Overload is a stranger to kindness."

Friday, July 4, 2008

Cute Overload Celebrates Freedom To Suck

For many Americans, July 4th is a time to celebrate the adoption of the Declaration of Independence, declaring our independence from the Kingdom of Great Britain. But for those behind the shady curtain now known as Cute Overload, July 4th is a reason to celebrate the freedom to knowingly promote a product that kills people's beloved pets in exchange for cold, hard cash. And what will they do with all that cash? Probably buy a forty-ounce Schlitz and a pack of Twinkies.