Cute Overload Death-O-Meter Reaches 140

The estimated number of dogs and cats indirectly killed by Cute Overload is now in the hundreds, according to scientists at Wichita, Kansas-based Labradoodle Laboratories.

"We conducted an analysis," said chief scientist Dr. Spot Barker, "taking into account the number of visits Cute Overload receives daily and the percentage of those visitors who are pet owners."

When results came in on Monday of this week, Dr. Barker demanded that the analysis be redone. "I looked at the numbers" he recalled, "and I thought, Good god, this just can't be."

But it was. The analysis was performed again and again, and the results kept coming back the same -- that at least 140 cats and dogs have either been killed or badly injured as a direct result of a Hartz product that was purchased as a direct result of seeing a Hartz ad on Cute Overload.

Next on the to-do list at Labradoodle Laboratories? "We're attempting to harvest a conscience using truth, kindness, decency, and a few test tubes," said Dr. Barker. "When the conscience is complete, we're going to overnight it to Meg Frost."

Meg Frost Learned Nothing from 'The Brady Bunch'

I'm just a fluffy little German baby goat, so I don't know much. I don't even know my own name. But I do know that Meg Frost didn't learn a single thing from watching The Brady Bunch.

Do you remember that episode in season three? The one in which the Brady family is chosen to star in a laundry soap commercial? And then they realize their hypocrisy? Because they don't actually use the product? The moral of the episode being, you know, not to lie? And especially not to lie in exchange for money? That one?

Now I'm just a fluffy little German baby goat, but don't underestimate my ability to issue a challenge. Meg Frost, I dare you to stand behind this "product" you are pushing in exchange for money. I invite you to purchase a package of Hartz Flea and Tick Drops at your local Buy N Large and then apply the drops to your own skin, right there on your back, just between your shoulder blades. Thatta girl! Now repeat.

If after using the product as directed, your fleas and ticks are gone, your skin is still intact, and (this is important) you are still breathing, then you can feel good about promoting this product on your blog. Otherwise? You may need to go against Hartz's instructions and have someone rush you to the vet.

Meg Frost Masters the Art of Irony

But not in a good way. Not like Stephen Colbert. The irony is more akin to a convicted sex offender working as a preschool teacher. Yes, Meg's is a depressing and destructive irony. On the one hand, she runs a blog called "Cute Overload," where she posts pictures of adorable animals -- many of them cats and dogs, kittens and puppies. On the other hand, she accepts money from Hartz in exchange for promoting a product that does this to those animals.

Cute Overload has managed to embody all of the classic attributes of an evil corporation. We don't know for sure, but we're guessing that Meg's a big fan of movies like Michael Clayton, The Insider, Erin Brockovich, and of course Soylent Green. We have it on good authority that she never watches the endings -- she makes up her own!

I don't know about you, but if I knew that Soylent Green was made out of people -- or that Hartz was made out of deadly toxins -- I wouldn't advertise it on my blog. For any amount of money. Ever. (And neither would Stephen Colbert.)

Blogger Rejects Offer to Advertise House Built on Toxic Dump

A responsible blogger was recently approached by a real estate firm looking to advertise a house that had been built on top of a toxic dump site.

The firm's owner, Mr. Greed E. Bastard--who indicated in his proposal that he wanted a family with "lots of children" to move in--offered to give the blogger $20K per month to run banner ads promoting the house until it sells.

The banner ad mock-ups featured an anthropomorphized house saying, "Skip the home inspector! The land this house is on used to be an apple orchard!"

"And when we get that baby sold," Bastard wrote in his proposal, "we got a preschool with walls and ceilings coated in dioxin-like polychlorinated Biphenyls and polychlorinated Dibenzodioxins we'd like you to help us get rid of--I mean, sell."

The blogger admitted that a $20K payout each month would be nice, but she knew that there was nothing safe about living in a house sitting on a toxic dump. Through a quick Internet search, she learned that the swath of land beneath the newly built home had been the site of unregulated dumping since the Vietnam War, when Union Carbide manufactured Agent Orange there. The sediment is contaminated with dioxins and other toxic chemicals, as well as lethal levels of arsenic, cadmium, lead, and mercury.

On the heels of Meg Frost's recent betrayal of her readers--and the animals in their care--by promoting Hartz's toxic flea and tick drops, this responsible blogger is being heralded as a bloggerhero.

"I'm no hero," the blogger told reporters at a press conference late Thursday night. "I'm just a decent person."

What's That, Lassie?

Timmy's not stuck in a well again, is he? What's that, girl? The neighbors did what? They saw an ad for Hartz flea and tick drops on Cute Overload and they did what? They bought Hartz UltraguardPro and did what? And now the dog is having seizures? Let's get that poor pup to a vet right away! Good girl, Lassie! I wish you could help us save all the dogs and cats whose owners are being tricked into poisoning them!

What's that, girl? Yes, Meg Frost is indirectly endangering animals' lives for a fast buck!

Pied Tamarin Loses Temper Over Hartz Ads

Someone just told this pied tamarin that Meg Frost is still promoting Hartz's flea and tick drops on Cute Overload, even though she knows the product has killed countless cats and dogs.

Bonnet Macaque Protests Hartz Ads on Cute Overload

Elwood, a 22-year-old Bonnet Macaque living in the dry deciduous forests of the Indian state of Madhya Pradesh, is staging a peaceful protest against the running of Hartz ads on Cute Overload.

The macaque, a follower of the teachings of Ghandi and practitioner of his philosophy of Satyagraha, will remain perched upon a leafless tree trunk until the Hartz ads are removed from Cute Overload.

Elwood, whose diet normally consists of nuts and berries, has forsworn food, water, and rest for the duration of the protest.

"Truth will be my nourishment," he told onlookers before withdrawing into silence.

I See Your Rationalization, and I Raise You Disapproval

Look. I'm just a rabbit. If you know rabbits, you know we have a keen sense of smell. But it doesn't take a rabbit nose to know what crap smells like. Have a whiff for yourselves!

Using Hartz on your pet is not akin to eating strawberries or breathing. Using Hartz is not normal, run-of-the-mill risk.

The toxic ingredient used in Hartz flea and tick products is called phenothrin. According to an article in USA Today, "Adverse reports began to arrive at EPA headquarters in 2001, shortly after Hartz changed the formulation of the products to include 87% phenothrin, a potent pesticide. Only a few other tick and flea products use phenothrin, and all at concentrations of less than 10%, says Jim Jones, director of EPA's Office of Pesticide Programs."

The same article quotes John Mullane, a spokesman for Hartz, as saying that the 7,000 reports were "a very small number compared to the number of applications."

If you visit Hartz's deathsite and click on any of their flea and tick products, you won't be surprised to find that they do not disclose the ingredients. Nor are the ingredients listed on the front of the packaging, so enlarging the image won't help. You'll have to go elsewhere to find out what's in Hartz's poisonous brew, like here, for example (click on the "Ingredients" tab).

In spite of EPA intervention, phenothrin still comprises 85.7% of the ingredients in Hartz's flea and tick drops for dogs.

The Hartz campaign features adorable pets suggesting that their flea and tick problems don't warrant a trip to the vet. Now why on earth would Hartz want you to leave your vet out of it? Because they know that if you ask your vet how to treat your pet's flea and tick problem, your vet is not going to recommend Hartz. In fact, they will tell you to avoid it at all costs.

A Florida news team's investigation of 30 local veterinarians found that "more than 60 percent reported having seen cases where cats have either died or become very sick after being treated with Hartz Advanced Flea and Tick Drops for Cats." (Apparently, some vets use the term 'Hartz Kitty' when treating seizing cats.)

By the way, Hartz has other methods of poisoning your animals. It also has ways of using real fur, from real animals overseas, in some of its pet toys. (No wonder Tabby loves that mouse toy so much. It's made of something dead!)

75-Day-Old Kitteh Haz Tiny Request

This red tabby Main Coone kitten is wise beyond his days! Already, he knows that his fur is too silky and his skin is too soft. Also, he's just kind of sitting there. He knows he should be more active--for example, by having life-threatening seizures!

A 'Leetle' Bird Told Him

"Talk about redonk! A leetle bird told me that you can click through web ads to buy a prosh cardboard rhino from Mod Cloth and cheap-ass flea and tick products with which to unknowingly poison and possibly kill your cat or dog from Hartz -- all in one convenient locashe!"